A lot of the work I do with clients revolves around relationships. We all have an innate desire to be connected with others, but in order to do that well, we need to first be connected with, and understand ourselves. I have been single for over ten years, other than a few short romances, and it’s taken work to figure it out. I have read numerous books on being single that have barely touched the surface with basic ideas of date yourself, spend time with friends, and find more, or new, hobbies. I am a recent, new fan of The Angry Therapist, John Kim, and have been reading his book Single: On Purpose. This book is amazing. It’s a book that anyone can sink their teeth into whether they are single, dating, or in a relationship.
As I read the book the other day I was engaging in my nightly self care, something often suggested in learning to be single. I had jazz music playing, a patchouli candle burning, half a glass of wine, and my feet up while in my rocking chair. Self care is important for many reasons, but it’s important to do more than just go through the motions. In my scenario above, I closed my eyes and focused on the music to truly connect with the mood and emotions evoked. As I began to relax I noticed the smell of the candle burning, connected with the memories it prompted and enjoyed those thoughts and the feelings that followed. For many years that half a glass of wine in the evening has always been a ritual of shifting from the work day to relaxation, and as it often does, some of the memories of enjoying that ritual with others came to mind.
If this sounds like mindfulness, you may understand the point I am trying to make. Whatever we are doing in the moment, whether it’s healing from a relationship, learning to be single, dating, or in a relationship, being mindful of the experience with a detached observation helps us to connect better with our own self and subsequently connect with others. But this is only one benefit of mindfulness. Literature indicates that the use of mindfulness may also improve mental health and decrease distress in one’s life.
Whether you’re looking to build a healthy relationship with yourself or others, or you want to improve your mental health and reduce your level of distress through the use of mindfulness, message me to schedule a session.