When you become a parent, the advice comes fast and furious. Sleep training, screen time, mealtime routines, reward charts – it’s as though there’s a formula, and if you just follow it, you’ll raise a successful child.

But what happens when your child doesn’t respond to the formula?

If you’re raising a neurodivergent child, or if you’re neurodivergent yourself, you already know: traditional parenting advice often falls flat. In fact, it can backfire, increasing shame, meltdowns, anxiety, or disconnection.

I used to think I was doing something wrong. I had shelves of parenting books, but none of them seemed to work in our home. It wasn’t until I let go of the idea that there was a single “right” way to parent that I began to see my child clearly.

Why Traditional Approaches Miss the Mark

So many mainstream parenting strategies are designed for neurotypical development: behavioral charts, timeouts, sticker systems. But for kids with sensory differences, executive function challenges, or complex internal worlds, these tools just weren’t made for them.

Our kids aren’t broken. The tools just weren’t made for them.

Instead of assuming a child should be able to sit still, focus, or comply, what if we asked:

• What is this behaviour communicating?
• What unmet need is showing up here?
• What strengths are hiding behind this struggle?

Parenting as a Collaborative Process

Responsive parenting isn’t about letting go of boundaries. It’s about creating flexible structure based on who your child actually is. That means:

• Co-regulating instead of punishing
• Accommodating instead of forcing
• Validating instead of dismissing

It takes time. It takes unlearning. But it opens the door to deeper connection. And it gives your child the message: You are not too much. You are just right for the world you’re growing into.

You don’t have to parent link everyone else. You just have to parent the child you have.